Lindsey Mastis

I’ve finally experienced the Wharf. (That’s fish market to us Midwesterners). I wanted to go there ever since I discovered it the day before while shooting a package about the nice weather. I took Patrick there as a surprise Sunday afternoon. It was packed. Unexpectedly, it did not smell even when we got close to the fish.

We walked around for about 30 minutes. This was the first time we had ever been to a fish market like this. We didn’t know exactly what to do. People were buying tons of snow crab legs, shrimp, and clams. There was also a bunch of regular fish like tilapia, flounder, and red snapper. There were also some unique sea creatures like octopus and shark. I wasn’t ready to try to cook any of that just yet.

The day before, I had seen a bunch of crab. I wanted to try to cook it, so I read up on it. It seemed easy to simply steam it and then cut it open. I had made up my mind. We also bought a pound of large tiger shrimp and two enormous lobster shrimp.

When it came time to get our crab, we had a bunch of choices. I wanted to try blue crab– I was hoping it would be Maryland blue crab. I only saw two vendors still selling it. One sold cooked crab, the other had live crabs. I decided to opt for ones that were still alive.

The line was sooooo long! It wrapped around another vendor’s booth. We waited in line for an hour, and several times an off-duty cop (directing traffic) came over to tell us the vendor didn’t have enough crab. No one listened. We all just waited. Finally, we were getting close and the crabs were getting scarce. But I was confident. After all, I just wanted two. One for me, and one for Patrick to try. But everyone else was buying them by the bushel.

Some guys behind us asked how many we were buying. When I said “two” they looked at me in disbelief. Really? Two? They asked. I told them it was my first time trying this and I just wanted two to keep it simple. They didn’t think the place would sell me just two, and prices started at $65 a dozen.

They offered to sell us two of their crabs if we let them in front of us. No problem. (They weren’t butting, they had waited in line an hour right behind us.) They got their crabs and they gave us three– no charge. That was super nice!

We got the crabs home and I suddenly realized I would have to touch them. It seemed natural to touch them in the fish market, but in my kitchen? No way! What was I thinking??? I could still hear them scuffling around the paper bag.

I asked Patrick to do it for me. He admitted that he was terrified of these live crabs. (He grew up on a farm and was pretty much never exposed to this kind of food. I used to travel to Florida all the time, so this shouldn’t have scared me.) I finally called my mom, and she gave me some encouragement. Patrick held up my camera to record the event.

I dumped them into the boiling water and then started involuntarily screaming when one stuck its claw up and tried to climb out. I couldn’t bare to look at them in the pot. I just tried to find the courage to grab the lid and keep them in there. I was wondering whether crab scream like lobster when boiled, but I didn’t hear anything. It could have been because I was being so loud.

It was a traumatic experience for me– and probably the crabs too. They died hearing me scream. That’s if they can hear. I don’t know.

I felt the same way I feel when I see a spider. Just gross! Finally, they were done. They had turned bright orange. Now, I had to get them out of the pot and pretty much dissect them. I had instructions about how to do it. It was very hard at first, especially when I had to dig out the guts. I felt like I was in science class.

The first crab I totally mutilated. Finally I figured out what I was doing and by the time I took a knife to the last crab, I felt like a pro. They were pretty tasty too. I just didn’t get a whole lot of meat from them. I’ll never be able to criticize the price of crab on a menu again. It’s a lot of hassle for a little crab meat and it sure is expensive.

Looking back, I’m glad I tried it. Now, it doesn’t seem so bad. I may even try it again some day.